Retirement musings

When I considered retiring from my final job, I had several thoughts. Would I feel unnecessary? Would I be bored? Would I drive everyone crazy with my unspent, restless energy? I decided to pull the plug one year before my target date. I had been through many different jobs at the University, all in the capacity as a secretary/administrative assistant, and was ready to strike out as a newly minted AARP member and learn about the exciting world of former working stiffs.

Before my stint at the U, I had been self-employed, owned a manufacturing company, and worked for other people and companies in sales and customer service. I am a true extrovert, and I was somewhat concerned that I would feel bereft without an audience. Here are some of the things I learned:

·         Wait at least six months before volunteering or getting a part-time job or going to school…

·         Have a schedule. Laundry on Monday, groceries on Tuesday, etc. Without a routine, my time just slipped through my fingers and I just kept buying more underwear to make up for missed laundry opportunities.

·         Without keeping regular working hours, I found my rhythm – my Circadian Rhythm. I had been living within the confines of the old 8 to 5 since I was five years old, and it was just so marvelous to let my body tell me when to go to bed and when to get up. There were many adjustments along the way, and it was very tempting to take afternoon naps, but once I realized that I didn’t want to go down that slippery slope, I managed to self-correct. (This took me about 6 years, so your mileage may vary). Sleep is vitally important, and I treasure every single hour.

·         Yes, I could volunteer, but as what? Having gotten a handle on having lots of “free” time, I proceeded with caution into the world of volunteering. It is very difficult for a control freak to share a job. I have found that I get the most satisfaction through mentoring and teaching others the myriad skills that I have amassed. What else can a person do with all those years of knowledge? You can’t take it with you – and if you can get it out of your head and into someone else’s, that leaves you more room for other random information.

·         I had more money at my disposal than I expected. Without the necessity of daily driving, eating lunches out, treating myself to silly purchases, my Social Security and modest pension checks went much farther than I thought they could. Most of us learned this lesson during the COVID lockdown, and it is a lesson that I hope to embrace for the rest of my life. To be fair, I still spend more than I bring in, but it is pretty nice to walk into a store and realize that there is really nothing that I need. Dressing up is not something I look forward to, as I haven’t bought anything that is in style in a long, long time, but we can also thank the pandemic for this glimpse into the reality of just being comfortable. Clean, but comfortable. I also realized that after a Certain Age, we truly become invisible, if not to ourselves.

·         Cherish your friends. Make more friends. Do not allow yourself to become that person who is at loose ends with an empty nest and a too-convenient TV.

·         Learn new things. I realized that as a “senior” (hate that term, but what can you do?) there are so many classes and programs available to us. Make a list of the things you always wanted to do if you had more time. Rediscover libraries, community education, art, music, and for Pete’s sake, meet those neighbors you have been waving to all this time. They have names, too, not just their dogs. Get on social media and reconnect with those distant cousins and friends from school who are in the same boat, just waiting to hear from you. You will be so glad you did. You may want to ignore that temptation to contact old lovers – that rarely ends well.

·         Whatever you do, give your kids some space. After years of grooming the little darlings to be independent, just let them. Once they see that you are also independent, you can both work on your mutual respect. Resist that urge to call them (they don’t talk on the phone anyway), learn how to send text messages, and you can even send silly memes, because that way they will know that you are not dead yet.

·         Rediscover where you live! Pretend that you are showing friends around your town, and go to those events and festivals and museum ribbon-cuttings. Eat out by yourself, it’s fun! Bring something to read, and just remember, you are invisible. It’s your turn to be that eccentric person.

·         Ask for help – this one is REALLY HARD! Remember how good it feels to help others, and be that other. People really do want to help you, so don’t be so darn stubborn.

·         Stay out of the left lane on the highway. I know this is hard, but those speeding drivers will thank you. Leave for your appointments (there will be many) with plenty of time, so that if you get stuck at a red light it just won’t matter. Take deep breaths, listen to your favorite music, just stop hurrying all the time. You have arrived, so enjoy the scenery.

·         Listen. Just listen. If others want to hear about what you were doing in 1978, they may just ask.